I did not photograph a single thing in Christchurch besides Bev, nor did I really explore what the city had to offer other than the center square or library. Whatever I missed on foot, I made up with reflection and emotional growth, though. My one step outside of those geographical boundaries instigated much of this. 

During my blah and non-inspired time in this city, I decided to venture to a sex club (yes, let the judging begin).  I did not, however, go to break my monogamous relationship and I kept that goal.

I figured my stoic reverie would have to end during a venture into a taboo and subvert sex culture.  In the end, it certainly awoke my senses but only to the most important, yet subconscious reason why I went in the first place: a cry for attention.

The rightful person heard all too well and did not react happily, as he probably should have.  This had to happen, though. Not so much my actions, but the conversations and realizations that followed. Words flowed from both ends that we needed to share long before this, and we reached a mutual understanding and compromise. We are growing.

After the discussion of my mid-travel crisis ended, I started to peruse my brain of how else my NZ experience has affected me and realized I have changed a good deal since my arrival.

First, after spending so much time alone, I do not speak much at all even when given the opportunity.  I feel awkward when I share heaps with a stranger, much like the Kiwi acted when I attempted the same earlier in my stay.

This, of all the things, bothers me the most because usually you cannot shut me up, especially when I have loved ones around me. I do not hide much. After all, I am writing a blog about a possibly incriminating experience, but I do not want to have that stop beyond my writing. 

I believe a lot of my silence stems from the fear of looking stupid.  The NZ English is very formal and intimidating, and my random, yet open chatter does not seem to match well.  They often stare at me as if my common sense took a permanent vacation (sometimes it does) and seem to want to take ten steps away.  I am not judging their culture, but it just reminds me how different we are even in the midst of so many similarities.
 
However, when I do speak, I get to the point.  For instance, tonight, I asked a random Kiwi on the street to recommend a reasonably priced restaurant in the area after seeing three really expensive ones.  She had to think about it and even commented that the street on which we stood hosted more upstanding eateries.  In the end, she thought of one (I went, and it was fantastic) and directed me to it, causing me to leave and thank her quickly, even though it seemed she had more to say. 

Such assertiveness and in getting what I want, even if it means asking complete strangers, I welcome with open arms.  However, I could have talked to her about anything, probably even photograph her for my faces of NZ project (something I need to work on more).

This change frightens me a bit because I am a people person and love it. I enjoying figuring out what makes people tick, even if it means delving through a cultural silence to find it.  Unfortunately, that takes a bit more time and energy than assertive people usually give.

In the end, I hope to merge the two and become a direct people person.  That involves using constant, directional ways to get to know people while keeping in mind of layered complications that take time to unravel. I think it will work for the remaining month I have in New Zealand and, hopefully, beyond.

If I have grown this much emotionally in the first half, I cannot wait to see what the other has in store. 

On the physical plane, though, I have a lot of set traveling to accomplish over the next two days:

Saturday, July 05
Bus from Christchurch to Picton: 7 am-12.20pm
Over 5 hours of who knows what.
Ferry from Picton to Wellington: 6 - 9 pm
Stay one night in Wellington

Sunday, July 06
Bus from Wellington to Hamilton: 8 am - 4:35 pm.
I hope to have another participant in my project that I met at the conference.
Staying here until July 10, then off to Auckland!

Most likely, I will not blog until I arrive in Hamilton. Until then, take care, everyone.  Even after then, continue doing so.

Happy 4th of July, US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!